PROSECUTE THESE NUTS

CHARGE SHEETS — TRUMP ADMINISTRATION (2025–2026)

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ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.

Secretary of Health and Human Services

Confirmed February 13, 2025

These are allegations based on real stories reported by reputable sources. No charges have been filed as of publishing. The depiction of the individuals behind bars is political satire and commentary.

COUNT 1 — PERJURY

18 U.S.C. § 1621 — Perjury

During sworn confirmation testimony before the Senate Finance Committee and the Senate HELP Committee in January 2025, Secretary Kennedy stated under oath: "I support vaccines. I support the childhood schedule. I will do that." He committed that he would not cut vaccine funding or change the nation's official vaccine recommendations. Since taking office, Kennedy has pulled back $11 billion in CDC vaccination grants, canceled approximately $500 million in mRNA vaccine research, fired the CDC director for refusing to sign off on new vaccine restrictions, dismissed members of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices and replaced them with vaccine skeptics, and added language to the CDC website casting doubt on vaccine safety. Perjury requires that the false statement be material and made willfully. The gap between Kennedy's sworn promises and his subsequent actions has been flagged by multiple senators who voted to confirm him based on those commitments.

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COUNT 2 — FALSE STATEMENTS TO CONGRESS

18 U.S.C. § 1001 — False Statements

Same underlying conduct as Count 1. This broader statute covers materially false statements made in any matter within the jurisdiction of the legislative branch, whether or not under formal oath.

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COUNT 3 — UNLAWFUL IMPOUNDMENT OF FUNDS

2 U.S.C. §§ 684–685 — Impoundment Control Act

Kennedy directed the CDC to pull back $11 billion in congressionally appropriated COVID-era grants that were being used by local health departments to fund vaccination programs and other public health initiatives. A federal judge ordered HHS to distribute the money, finding the pullback unlawful. The Impoundment Control Act prohibits the executive branch from withholding appropriated funds without following prescribed procedures.

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COUNT 4 — ACTS AFFECTING A PERSONAL FINANCIAL INTEREST

18 U.S.C. § 208 — Acts Affecting a Personal Financial Interest

Secretary Kennedy retained a financial arrangement with the law firm Wisner Baum, which specializes in pharmaceutical drug injury litigation. Under this arrangement, Kennedy earns a 10% referral fee on contingency cases he directs to the firm. He simultaneously leads the federal department that regulates the pharmaceutical companies those lawsuits target. His policy decisions — including restricting vaccines, defunding drug safety research, and reshaping FDA oversight — directly affect the legal landscape in which those lawsuits are litigated.

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COUNT 5 — IMPOUNDMENT OF APPROPRIATED FUNDS / ENDANGERMENT OF PUBLIC HEALTH

2 U.S.C. §§ 684–685 — Impoundment Control Act

A federal lawsuit filed by the cities of Columbus, Ohio; Kansas City, Missouri; and Nashville, Tennessee, joined by Harris County, Texas, accused Kennedy of cutting congressionally appropriated infectious disease response grants — funding that supported the staff responsible for responding to active outbreaks including measles. As of March 2026, the CDC has confirmed over 1,360 measles cases across 14 outbreaks — the highest case count since 1991 and on pace to eclipse it. Two children have died. Kennedy impeded the CDC's ability to respond to the West Texas outbreak during its critical first weeks, with federal emergency funds delayed and briefing requests from CDC staff met with silence from HHS leadership.

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COUNT 6 — FALSE STATEMENTS IN CONDUCT OF FEDERAL AGENCY BUSINESS

18 U.S.C. § 1001 — False Statements; Administrative Procedure Act

Kennedy personally directed the CDC to abandon its longstanding, evidence-based position that vaccines do not cause autism — without providing any new scientific evidence to support the reversal. The change was made to the CDC's official website, using the apparatus of the federal government to disseminate what the agency's own former scientific leadership called deliberate disinformation. Kennedy also repeatedly made false public statements about the safety and efficacy of the measles vaccine during an active, deadly outbreak, in his official capacity as HHS Secretary. His actions contributed to documented declines in childhood vaccination rates, disproportionately affecting Black and American Indian/Alaskan Native children who were already below the MMR vaccination target threshold.

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Note: All individuals listed above deny wrongdoing. The President of the United States has not been charged with any offenses; under longstanding Department of Justice policy, a sitting president cannot be indicted while in office. These charge sheets represent reported conduct mapped to applicable federal statutes for the purposes of political commentary and satire. No charges have been filed against any individual listed. This document does not constitute legal advice or a legal determination of guilt.

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